1. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
2. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
3. Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
4. If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
5. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
6. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
7. Never buy a car you can’t push.
8. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don’t have a leg to stand on.
9. The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.
10. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
11. Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
12. Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?
13. If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
14. You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
15. Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
16. Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.
17. We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names and all are different colours, but they all have to learn to live in the same box.
18. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
19. Happiness comes through doors you didn’t even know you left open.