Letter to my mom – Always on my mind

LETTER TO MY MOM

Dear Mom
The last time I spoke to you was around this time last year.
What a shock I got when I received the text message days later from your friend telling me you were in hospital.
Realising the seriousness of your condition, I rushed to be by your bedside and could only get there on the Friday because you were so far away in South Africa.
When I saw you lying in the hospital bed you looked so small and vulnerable, it broke my heart. I am not sure you even knew that it was me there, I will assume you did.
I found it very hard looking at you but I came to see you every day.
Sadly we were there only for one week when you passed away.
I wish I could have made you better. I really do.
With all the other pain going on in my life at that time it was hard for me to feel the pain I felt when you passed away but just this week the pain of your loss has been very intense. Very difficult.
Some days I go to pick up the phone to call you then realise you are no longer here.
It seems sad today because I would love to be able to talk to you.
Life is hard some days and others are great.
I think I took for granted that you were always on the other end of the phone and I could call you anytime and talk to you about how I was feeling.
I do miss you so much, more today than ever before.
Some days seem so empty knowing you are not here.
We bought a new house and it is lovely, you would love it. In the country and rural, I know you would have approved.
I sit and remember little things you would say and do, some not always welcome but as a mom they needed to be said.
You were different to me in so many ways, I know you did not know how to show feelings to me but in your own special way, you were there for me on the other end of the phone.
I miss you so much today, more than ever
I know one day that we will be together.
Some things are hard to explain to anyone else, things you really only want to discuss with your mother.
I remember when I had the kids, you were the only person I wanted to see after they were just born.
I know our relationship has not the perfect mother daughter relationship and I yearned for you to be maternal and loving to me over the years but you did show me you loved me in your own way.
A few months before you passed away you seemed to be happier than ever before, you spoke kindly of dad and did not say the usual negative nasty things that would upset me so much over the years. Looking back I think it was maybe you finding your serenity. I know you loved the Lord and were a devoted christian when you passed away. I know you always tried to convert me but I have my own sense of religion and spirituality that works for me and you knew that too. I know you are in a better place and you are happy now, I feel it. I do feel your presence and even smell you perfume.
We are all trying hard to get on with our life after all the hardships of the past 18 months.
Your granddaughter graduated this week so that is both your grandchildren graduated now. I also obtained the diploma I told you about in Health and Social Care. I hope you are proud that I have done some things right.

Mom I miss you so much today, sometimes I find it hard to put into words what I want to say.
When I think of the wise words you have said to me, I will always remember this one saying “Nicola, always remember to remain like a lady at all times”. hehe I will try and remember that.

Thank you for being my mother and thank you for all the sacrifices you have made for me over the years. They are appreciated.
I hope you are in a better place now and find the peace you deserve.
x nicola

copyright NJTurner 2014

The Sweetest thing (lyrics from song)

JUICE NEWTON
“The Sweetest Thing (I’ve Ever Known)”

When I see you in the morning
With that old sleep still in your eyes
I remember all the laughter
And the tears we shared last night
And as we lie here
Just two shadows
In the light before the dawn
The sweetest thing
I’ve ever known
Is lovin’ you

And I have never been afraid of losin’
And I have never wanted love to be a chain
I only know that when I’m with you
You’re my sunshine, you’re my rain
The sweetest thing
I’ve ever known
Is lovin’ you

Now you and I
We’re not children
We have both been loved before
We have given and we have taken
Many rides on troubled shores
But all the heartaches and temptations
Only made me love you more
The sweetest thing
I’ve ever know
Is lovin’ you

And I have never been afraid of losin’
And I have never wanted love to be a chain
I only know that when I’m with you
You’re my sunshine, you’re my rain
The sweetest thing
I’ve ever known
Is lovin’ you

The sweetest thing
I’ve ever known
Is loving yooooooou

For such a little while

For Such a Little While

God gave you your daughter
For such a little while;
He put a bit of heaven
In the sunshine of her smile.

He took dust from
The brightest twinkling stars
And made her sparkling eyes;
And now, she’s gone back home to God,
To play up in the skies.

And though she left so quickly
That your hearts are grieved and sad,
We know she lives with God
And her small heart is glad.

And though your precious darling
Was just a rosebud small;
She’ll bloom in all her beauty
On the other side of the wall.

~ Helen Steiner Rice

A tribute to my Mother in Law

A tribute to my Mother in Law

Thank you for all you have done for me
And the beautiful son you raised MJ to be

The angels took you home today
Its so hard to find the words I want to say

May you be at peace and shine your light
Like you did for us, Always so bright.

Thank you for giving me your precious boy
He has made my life so full of joy

You taught us both so much about life
Not to be beaten down by strife

Just one small thing I want you to know
Your love shines through him and makes him glow

I will love him till the end of time
Now I will relax and wait for a sign

The angels will always flutter around
and when the feather falls to the ground

I will know you hear us when we pray
Until we meet again one day.

9 March 2014
copyright nj turner

Comforting words

Comforting Words

I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources
he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.
Then Christ will make his home in your heart as you trust in him.
Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.
And may you have the power to understand,
as all God’s people should,
how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.
May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.
Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Ephesians 3:16 – 19

Note:
I found this while looking through old paperwork while organising my late mothers estate. The verse only was written in a book with my name next to it.
It was nice to look up the words to the verses and I can’t help but wonder when she wrote this.
Did she know that I may need these words after her death? They have brought me comfort and are very special to me.
x niki

I’ll lend you a child

I’ll Lend You A Child

by Edgar Guest

“I’ll lend you for a little time a child of mine,” He said.
For you to love – while he lives
And mourn for when he’s dead.
It may be six or seven years
Or twenty-two or three,
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care or him for Me?
He’ll bring his smiles to gladden you,
And should this stay be brief
You’ll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.
I’ve looked this world over
In search for teachers true,
And from the throngs that crowd
Life’s lanes, I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor count the labor vain,
Nor hate Me when I come to call to
Take him back again?”
I fancied that I heard then say,
“Dear Lord, Thy will be done,
For all the joy Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we’ll run.
We’ll shelter him with tenderness,
We’ll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we’ve known
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him
Much sooner than we’ve planned,
We’ll brave the bitter grief that come
And try to understand.”

Comfort Prayer

COMFORT

Surrounded by friends
yet all alone
the one I loved
God has called home
the hugs of friends
helps ease the pain
and I know my loss
is my loved one’s gain
but tears now flow
across my face
as I long for just
one more embrace
then comfort comes
and I see Christ’s face
He hugs my loved one
and I feel God’s grace.

Author Unknown

Sympathy Prayer

May tender memories soften your grief,
May fond recollection bring you relief,
And may you find comfort and peace in the thought
Of the joy that knowing your loved one brought —
For time and space can never divide
Or keep your loved one from your side
When memory paints in colors true
The happy hours that belonged to you.
Helen Steiner Rice

Sympathy Poem

God saw that you were suffering
And a cure was not to be,
So he put his arms around you
And whispered, “Come with Me.”

Through tears filled years, we watched you suffer
And slowly fade away
Although we loved you deeply,
We could not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating
Hard working hands were put to rest
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the best.

Author Unknown

Angel of Mine

Angel of Mine

An Angel whispered in my ear,
An softly said to me;

“Go out today and show some love,
And spread good deeds from up above,

Tell someone who is hurting or blue,
That they are loved by You,

Give a helping hand to those in need,
Plant kindness, it’s just a little seed.”

When she whispered all that to me,
I went right out to do good deeds,

And during my travels I thought of You,
And decided to send this whispered message so true,

And let you know that you are Loved,
And thought about with Angel whispers from up above.

~AngelHeart~