Johari Window

The Johari window is a technique used to help people better understand their relationship with themselves and others, which was created by psychologists Joseph Luft (1916–2014) and Harrington Ingham (1916–1995) in 1955. It is used primarily in self help groups and corporate settings as a heuristic exercise. Luft and Ingham called their Johari Window model ‘Johari’ after combining their first names, Joe and Harry.

A Johari window consists of the following 56 adjectives used as possible descriptions of the participant.

able
accepting
adaptable
bold
brave
calm
caring
cheerful
clever
complex
confident
dependable
dignified
empathetic
energetic
extroverted
friendly
giving
happy
helpful
idealistic
independent
ingenious
intelligent
introverted
kind
knowledgeable
logical
loving
mature
modest
nervous
observant
organized
patient
powerful
proud
quiet
reflective
relaxed
religious
responsive
searching
self-assertive
self-conscious
sensible
sentimental
shy
silly
spontaneous
sympathetic
tense
trustworthy
warm
wise
witty

Deepak Chopra on ego

The ego is our self-image, not our true self. It is characterized by labels, masks, images, and judgments. The true self is the field of possibilities, creativity, intentions, and power. We can go beyond the ego through self awareness – awareness of our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and speech. Thus we begin to slowly move beyond the ego to the true self. Deepak reads a beautiful poem by Rabindranath Tagore, entitled “Who is this?” which describes the ego as “my own small self.” Can you go beyond your own small self, your ego, to discover your true self?

Achieving happiness

Achieving happiness

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Memorise your favourite poem.
3. Don’t believe all you hear, don’t spend all you have, or don’t sleep all you want.
4. When you say, “I love you”, mean it.
5. When you say, “I’m sorry”, look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don’t judge people by their relatives
12. Talk slowly, but think quick.
13. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”.
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Call your mom.
16. Say “God bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.
17. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
18. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
19. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
20. When you realise you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
22. Marry a spouse you love to talk to. As you get older, his or her conversational skills will be as important as any other.
23. Spend some time alone.
24. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
26. Read more books and watch less TV.
27. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll get to enjoy it a second time.
28. Trust in God but lock your car.
29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with a current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
31. Read between the lines.
32. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
33. Be gentle with the earth.
34. Pray. There’s immeasurable power in it.
35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
36. Mind your own business.
37. Be wary of a person who doesn’t close his or her eyes when you kiss them.
38. Once a year, go some place you’ve never been before.
39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth’s greatest satisfaction.
40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
41. Learn the rules, then break some.
42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Author unknown

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Substance abuse (Counselling notes)

Substance abuse harms the body in two ways:

The substance itself affects the body
It causes negative lifestyle changes, such as irregular eating and poor diet

For example, infants who were exposed to alcohol while in the womb often have physical and mental problems. The alcohol affects the growing baby by crossing the placenta. After birth, the baby may have withdrawal symptoms. The mother’s poor nutrition while she is drinking can harm the baby’s growth and development while still in the womb.

Recovery from substance abuse also affects the body in other ways, including metabolism (processing energy), organ function, and mental well-being. Proper nutrition may help the healing process. Nutrients supply the body with energy. They provide substances to build and maintain healthy organs and fight off infection.

The impact of different drugs on nutrition is described below.

OPIATES

Opiates (including codeine, oxycontin, heroin, and morphine) affect the gastrointestinal system. Constipation is a very common symptom of abuse. Symptoms that are common during withdrawal include:

Diarrhea
Nausea
Vomiting

These symptoms may lead to a lack of enough nutrients and an imbalance of electrolytes (such as sodium, potassium, and chloride).

Eating balanced meals may make these symptoms less severe (however, eating can be difficult due to nausea). A high-fiber diet with plenty of complex carbohydrates (such as whole grains, vegetables, peas, and beans) is recommended.

ALCOHOL

Alcoholism is one of the major causes of nutritional deficiency in the United States. The most common deficiencies are of pyridoxine (vitamin B6), thiamine, and folic acid. A lack of these nutrients causes anemia and nervous system (neurologic) problems. Korsakoff’s syndrome (“wet brain”) occurs when heavy alcohol use causes a lack of enough thiamine.

Alcohol intoxication also damages two major organs involved in metabolism and nutrition: the liver and the pancreas. The liver removes toxins from harmful substances. The pancreas regulates blood sugar and the absorption of fat. Damage to these two organs results in an imbalance of fluids, calories, protein, and electrolytes.

Other complications include:

Diabetes
High blood pressure
Permanent liver damage (or cirrhosis)
Seizures
Severe malnutrition
Shortened life expectancy

Laboratory tests for protein, iron, and electrolytes may be needed to determine if there is liver disease in addition to the alcohol problem. Women who drink heavily are at high risk of osteoporosis and need to take calcium supplements.

STIMULANTS

Stimulant use (such as crack, cocaine, and methamphetamine) reduces appetite, and leads to weight loss and poor nutrition. Abusers of these drugs may stay up for days at a time. They may be dehydrated and have electrolyte imbalances during these episodes. Returning to a normal diet can be hard if a person has lost a lot of weight.

Memory problems, which may be permanent, are a complication of long-term stimulant use.

MARIJUANA

Marijuana can increase appetite. Some long-term users may be overweight and need to cut back on fat, sugar, and total calories.

Nutrition and psychological aspects of substance abuse

When people feel better, they are less likely to start using alcohol and drugs again. Because balanced nutrition helps improve mood and health, it is important to encourage a healthy diet in people recovering from alcohol and other drug problems.

However, people who have just given up an important source of pleasure may not be ready to make other drastic lifestyle changes. It is more important that people avoid returning to substance abuse than that they stick to a strict diet.

Guidelines

Stick to regular mealtimes
Eat a low-fat diet
Get more protein, complex carbohydrates, and dietary fiber
Vitamin and mineral supplements may be helpful during recovery (this may include B-complex, zinc, and vitamins A and C)

People with substance abuse are more likely to relapse when they have poor eating habits. This is why regular meals are so important. People who are addicted to drugs and alcohol often forget what it’s like to be hungry and instead think of this feeling as a drug craving. They should be encouraged to consider that they may be hungry when cravings become strong.

During recovery from substance abuse, dehydration is common. It is important to get enough fluids during and in between meals. Appetite usually returns during recovery. People in recovery are often more likely to overeat, particularly if they were taking stimulants. Eat healthy meals and snacks and avoid high-calorie foods with low nutrition (such as sweets), if possible.

The following tips can help improve the odds of a lasting and healthy recovery:

Eat nutritious meals and snacks.
Get physical activity and enough rest.
Reduce caffeine and stop smoking, if possible.
Seek help from counselors or support groups on a regular basis.
Take vitamin and mineral supplements.

Counselling Notes – Erotic Rage by Patrick J Carnes

Eroticized Rage
by
Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D., CAS

Rage and anger have long been recognized as a component in sexual violence.
Much has been written about the profiles of those who impose their sexual
desires on others. Even more has been written about the cultural dynamics
between men and women of which such violence is but the tip of the iceberg.
As women have gained more political and economic power we also have an
emerging clarity about the abuse of women, children and men.
That clarity has resulted in a new accountability that extends into the most
powerful circles of our culture. CEOs of business, church leaders, military
officers, and even the nation’s most powerful political leaders have been held
accountable for abusing the less powerful. We are in the midst of an incredible
paradigm shift about the use of power and our responsibility to others. Many
say that protection of the vulnerable and sexual accountability may result in
the most significant change in the history of our species. I believe that it is true.
Yet, I also believe there is anger that has been sexualized that is not connected
to our larger social drama or at best, tangential to it. There are also forms of
victimization based on anger that have never been considered in the larger
debate.
Anger and rage have many faces in human sexual behavior that have
been obscured by their erotic content. We have tried to make sense out of
sexual behavior without its affective component. Advances in our,
understanding of trauma, addiction, neurochemistry
and courtship place a whole new perspective on the role of anger in sex.
New sexual freedoms, especially in cyberspace, provide painful clarity about
how destructive eroticized rage can be. Anger and sex can be fused in such a
way that it is self perpetuating, self
destructive, and once ignited, independent
of culture and even family. Clinicians who do not look for the role of eroticized
rage will miss the function or payoff of their patient’s behavior. The purpose of
this article is to provide clinicians with a basic discussion of the range of
sexual behaviors whose driving force is anger and what to watch for.
Consider the following:
Many websites dedicated to “voyeurism” frequently post nude pictures of
spouses, ex girlfriends, and ex
spouses submitted by men who report that
these women do not know about the posting. To post a nude picture for others
sexual gratification without that person’s knowledge or permission is angry and
vengeful. The reciprocal also occurs. Angry ex’s post nude pictures of
Eroticized Rage themselves to retaliate for being rejected. On the site, however, the comments
are about sex and not about the anger.
An airline pilot has a problem with compulsive affairs in an industry in which
this problem is all too common. He comes, however, from a very
devout and restrictive religious tradition and is tormented with shame and guilt. He is a
father of three and a deacon in his church. But he also has had sex with over
five hundred women in about fifteen years. In therapy he realizes that he has
anger for the church and anger for his wife.
The breakthrough came when he had a fight with his wife and immediately felt
an extreme desire to be sexual outside the marriage. His therapist helped him
to see that his inability to respond adequately to his wife triggered the sexual
acting out. He could get revenge without her knowing it and restore equality for
himself internally. The pilot learned how dysfunctional his inability to get angry
with his wife was, how his feelings about the church and its sexual teachings
supercharged his acting out, and how his compulsive behavior was fueled in
part by his sexualized rage.
A college educated woman worked as a stripper. She had a history of extensive
sexual and physical abuse by men in her family. She reported to her the
rapist the sexual gratification she would feel when men took out their wallets for
money to put on the stage or in her garter. In her view she had humiliated
them and saw them as despicable. She felt superior, powerful, and sexual.
Her therapist pointed out how this recycled the abuse experiences in her
family. She became powerful and rageful when sexual. This dynamic was not
restricted to her dancing. She had a history of being sexual with teachers, a
college professor, and her doctor. Sex was the great equalizer with the many
men with whom she had been sexual. Unfortunately it also left her with
suicidality, emptiness, sexual addiction, and a pernicious drug habit.
An accountant who had always lived by the rules discovered his wife had had a
series of affairs with black men. He felt very betrayed and angry but also
obsessed and aroused by what she had done. He reported that the hottest sex
they had ever had was when he was gathering details of her exploits. He then
discovered cybersex and went to the sites,
which featured black men with white women.
He went downhill fast. He was averaging thirty hours a week doing
cybersex and neglecting his job. He started to collect pornography of black and
white couples and became a regular customer for prostitutes. His asking his
wife for details became badgering and harassing.
When he was asked by his therapist if he had stalked his wife he said no, he
would never do that. The therapist rephrased the question and asked if he had
followed his wife. Absolutely, he responded. He actually had her under
surveillance all the time. The therapist helped the patient understand the role
of unresolved anger in his now sexually compulsive pattern. In therapy the wife
also admitted that even her selection of black men was about her anger.
The wife of a high profile figure went to a therapist because of her extreme
unhappiness and depression. She had been sexually acting out in many ways
for over a decade. She reported she even had oral sex with male strippers in
public. Her husband did not know this nor about her other activities. But the
fact he could learn of it was erotic to her. Her therapist observed that it may
have been erotic but it was also angry. Such a public display was designed to
humiliate and embarrass her successful partner. It was as if she was toying
with his humiliation while not quite doing it. And then she could obsess about
it. Her therapist explained that the “perverse” part of perversion is often
vengeful or defiant anger.
In each of these cases anger and eroticism have become intertwined or fused.
The mechanisms for that are easy to understand. We have to start with
understanding the arousal template.

The Arousal Template
Each of us has an arousal template. As we grow up we incorporate our life
experience and oursexual experience with what we are told or learn about sex
into a sexual belief system or map. What we learn about relationships and
family is also part of that. This template builds on preferences already
determined by our genetic code. Whether we like tall or short, blonds or
redheads it is determined by this mix of physiology and learning. It is the guide
we use to what is erotic.
John Money, the famous John Hopkins researcher, called this a “love map.” It
is actually more than just a map however since it determines decisions in its
own right and becomes a template for action. Much of that “decision tree”
remains unconscious.
Almost anything can become part of the arousal template. A rural child growing
up where there was no running water might have snuck up behind the
outhouse to peer in and watch female family members urinate. Curiosity and
arousal then become connected with urination. As an adult, urination becomes
a cue for arousal. Pornography of women urinating or spy cams in rest rooms
or prostitutes willing to give “golden showers”all become part of that original
scenario or story.
Similarly some men become fascinated as adolescents with girls who smoke. As
adults they seek restaurants or parks near high schools where they can watch
girls smoke, or cruise in their car areas where girls smoke. Or, if they really
want to take a short cut, they can seek out the many websites dedicated to
girls smoking. These are not necessarily nude pictures. It is the smoking itself
combined with the age of the women (young) that has become eroticized.
Similarly many cybersex addicts report that even picking up a keyboard or
listening to the sounds of a modem connecting becomes sexual.
As objects, situations, or scenarios become eroticized so do feelings. In many
basic psychology courses in college, students learn of experiments that showed
people were more attractive when the subject perceived fear or risk either to
themselves or that person. Fear and risk is a well documented neurochemical
escalator of the sexual experience. So is pain.
Many trauma victims of violent sexual abuse as children report that as adults
they are unable to be orgasmic unless a man is hurting them. I have had many
trauma clients tell me that they could not even masturbate unless they put
astringent or abrasive material in their vagina. They could not even stimulate
themselves without the pain.
Consider the very successful scientist who told of a violent childhood. He can
remember his father battering his mother so badly he could hear her body hit
the wall in the next room. He would masturbate to comfort himself in his
anxiety. He also had a problem wetting the bed and defecating in his nightclothes until he was six.
As an adult, he found fear erotic any kind of fear. He would seek high risk
sex compulsively. And his own feces and urine was highly arousing. To use the
clinical term “copraphilia” hardly captures the full picture of what happened to
this man. Behind what many would call perverse is a traumatized child.
In the same fashion anger becomes eroticized. First, anger occurs in situations
of high risk and fear. Anger adds intensity to the sexual experience and
becomes a neurochemical escalator as fear does. Secondly, anger is often core
to the scenarios, stories, and beliefs embedded in the arousal template.
Therefore, current sexual behavior can draw enormous energy from past
wounds and experience. Finally, anger becomes the sexual stimulus for some
people. In order to make sense of how anger stimulates, we have to break the
situations down into component types or profiles.

Power and the Restoration of Self

In this profile sex is used to restore power in some way. In the case above
where the husband could not deal with conflict with his spouse, he restored his
sense of self by acting out in a way in which she had no control. It is as though
he keeps a secret account and he returns to parity when he adds the secret
account to the public account. His self talk is about deserving the sex because
he is so misunderstood, or she deserves what he does because her behavior is
so bad. Except she never finds out.
The possibility that she might find out makes the behavior’s value almost as
good as if he had done it front of her. We are also talking about an intimacy
disorder. The inability to be intimate is part of the problem. The above example
resulted in the sexually compulsive behavior of the sex addict. Addiction is
often the solution to an intimacy deficit.
Achieving parity in this way is one of the most common profiles of eroticized
rage.
Coincidentally, it is also one of the most common causes for affairs. In a
sense it parallels what object relations theorists have pointed to when aspects
of relationships or sex become objectified so that people can “complete”
themselves. The “object” becomes the piece that was missing. The result is to
end up equal to the other or more likely, superior.
Consider the story of Tammy. Her father was clearly a sex addict and
frequently did sexually inappropriate things in public, which embarrassed
Tammy as she grew up. He also did highly inappropriate things at home such
as walking around in the nude. He had many affairs and sexually abused
Tammy’s three sisters. Therein started the problem.
Tammy was like many siblings of abused children, asking herself why
he had not approached her. He did like to look at her body and often commented
about her sexual development. Tammy would deliberately take showers in her
father’s bathroom so he would have the opportunity to observe her even
though she had a bathroom for her own use.
Tammy grew into a statuesque, beautiful woman. When she was seventeen she
was caught shoplifting clothes. The shopkeeper pulled her into a back room
and told her she could keep the clothes if she would show him her breasts. She
did and he pleasured himself. She left with the clothes and a very unique
feeling. She felt he had betrayed his vulnerability. Sex had reversed the
situation. She was no longer the desperate teenager about to be turned into the
police by an authority. In her eyes, that power figure had become pathetic and
disgusting. Moreover, exhibiting her body was very sexually arousing and
satisfying to her. And she had the clothes.
This scenario was repeated over and over again in various forms. As a high
powered advertising executive she kept accounts where on several occasions
she was asked to have sex by a client. She would have relationships with men
who were often older, men who were powerful and unattractive, but she would
feel in control because of their sexual desperation. For a while she was engaged
to a man who was much older and weighed three hundred pounds. She
enjoyed sex with him. The best sex was after they broke up and he would leave
her money. Watching a man take money out of his wallet was very erotic for
her. She knew she had won at that point.
Tammy would drive down the freeway with her dress hiked up to expose her
genitals and her blouse open to expose her breasts. She would pull up next to
trucks and feel great pleasure when truckers would pull their air horn cords in
approval. When Tammy got into recovery for alcoholism, she was extremely
sexually active with men she met in AA meetings. The list goes on. Suffice to
say she was out of control and with time become suicidal.
In treatment, Tammy admitted that she had several standing arrangements
with the owners of prestigious clothing stores on fashionable Rodeo drive in
Hollywood. She could pick out the clothes she wanted if she would strip for
these merchants. They would pleasure themselves and she would walk away
feeling superior. This was a repetition of what had happened when she was a
teenager. Her therapist helped Tammy to understand that it also replicated her
taking showers in her father’s bathroom to get him to notice her.
Tammy admitted that the clothing store where she loved to do this was around
the corner from her father’s upscale apartment. Something about his proximity
made her sexually acting out more compelling. It was then that she confessed
to actually having sex with a man in her father’s bed on the night of one of his
weddings.
Clinician’s will note that Tammy is classic. Her behavior replicates the way she
was abused as a child. Bessel van der Kolk and others have described this as
“repetition compulsion” or “addiction to the trauma.” This sexually compulsive
behavior provides a “rush” based on an arousal template she evolved in trying
to work through her own relationship with her father. Note further, however,
the completion of self and the cycle of her affect.
Tammy was desperate for her father’s approval however she could get it. She
was angry about his treatment of her and despised how he behaved. Getting
his attention and feeling she was better than him by exposing him for what he
was, created the internal dynamic and payoff. When Tammy finally understood
all this she was able to arrest her compulsive cycles. She also realized that
while on the surface she looked like a victim used by men, there was a deeper
part that now was operative, wherein she was the predator. This part was fed
by her anger and hatred of men.
Sexualized anger can be used in an attempt to restore a sense of self. Usually
this involves some form of abuse and power. In studies of women and sex
addiction this power dynamic and the propping up of the self is frequently
noticed. Sex offender literature notes parallels for offenders who attempt to
compensate for self, replicate childhood abuse, and have rage for women that
comes out sexually. Throughout this discussion I am trying to set aside the
larger issues of oppression of women and children. I think they are the critical
issues of our time. Yet I wish to show the mechanisms separate from these
critical cultural issues. The point is that sexualized anger becomes a vehicle for
our patients to feel better about themselves by creating a new parity using sex.

Humiliation, Vengeance, and Retaliation
The reader will notice that the examples used so far involve some humiliation
or revenge. The attempt to restore the self driven by sexualized rage may
extend to diminishing someone.
This may mean diminishing the sexual partner, as with the merchants to whom Tammy felt superior or the stripper
feeling disgust for the men who tipped her. Remember that in both of these cases they felt superior and intensely sexual.
It may result in diminishing the marital partner as with the woman performing
public oral sex. Or, in Tammy’s case, it may be in humiliating the father or
getting to him somehow, as in despoiling his bed on his wedding night. Posting
a nude picture of your ex wife for all to see without her permission has a
sexual component and a vengeance component. Usually when sexualized rage
becomes vengeance the issues are deep and profound. Consider this next
example.
When Louise was sixteen she became pregnant and gave up her son for adoption. Unknown to her, her son Sam was raised in a physically abusive home. He became a drug addict and went through several cycles of rehab.
When he was thirty three years old he conducted a search for his birth mother.
Louise was thrilled to have contact with her son. She was in a second marriage
of sixteen years and had raised two children. She had settled into a middle
class, orderly life and had a somewhat matronly appearance. She still had
many unresolved feelings about giving up her son for adoption.
Louise went to visit her son while he was in an extended care facility. In her
hotel room she massaged his shoulders which he said hurt. He and she shared
a drug Sam said was used by body builders to stimulate growth of muscle
tissue. The massage ended up in mother and son having sex. When Sam left
the extended care facility he asked Louise if he could come and live with Louise
and her husband while he found a job and got on his feet. He came and in a
month’s time turned the house into chaos. Part of the chaos was that Louise
and Sam continued to have sex. All of which came to a stop when Louise’s
husband found them in bed. Sam was evicted. Louise was suicidal and abusing
amphetamine. Boring middle class existence had evaporated.
In treatment Louise was stunned at how she had violated her own value system
and hurt her husband, whom she dearly loved. Worse was describing how sex
was with her son. She provided details: she had to take off all her clothes and
he remained mostly dressed, and it was more angry than passionate. Her
therapist and group helped her see that sex here was intended to degrade and
humiliate her.
Sam’s anger at being abandoned was compounded by his physical abuse in the
home in which he was raised. Sex became a vehicle for his rage. Louise said
she actually knew that at the time, which added to her wonderment at having
continued to have sex with him. Her therapist then introduced the concept of
traumatic bonding and how Sam’s presence induced fear and drew power from
the guilt and sadness of an old wound. This opened the window for Louise to
begin to see what she was responsible for and what she was not.
What happened for Sam and Louise actually happens for many people. Anger
and pain at old betrayals and abuse can be carried sexually. In Sam’s case, he
blamed his mother for what happened to him, when Louise was actually taking
a responsible position to give him a better life. Sam’s perception was different
and was acted out sexually. He wanted to humiliate his mother. Having sex
with your mother brings up another dimension of sexualized rage: perversion.
Perversion Clinicians often think of perversion and the paraphilias as unique, rare, and
weird forms of sexual expression. In that sense the clinicians are much like the
general public. What helps to understand perversion is to put the perverse
back into it. One of the great researchers on perversion was Robert Stoller who
tells the story of his initial investigation into the pornography industry.
Every pornography producer he interviewed said that if pornography were legal
and had wide spread approval, they would never have bothered to do it. In
other words, the kick in making sexually explicit movies was literally, taking
pleasure in the disapproval. Getting culture back for its control and
rigidity by putting sex in “its face.” This rebelliousness or defiance of convention is also
about anger. Individual sexual behavior is sometimes simply perverse. To perform oral sex
on male strippers publicly for the wife of a public official is perverse. To barter
sex for clothes around the corner from the residence of your controlling father
is perverse. To have sex with your mother is more than an act of defiance. To
have many affairs on your wife who lives with you in a restrictive, judgmental
religious community is to break the rules. This perversity also sends a message
about conventions, control, and relationships.
Notice, however, that perversity is often a private joke. The sexual acting out is
toying with the reality that the person you are angry with might find out. So in
that sense it is like the gambling obsession, “Will it happen this time?” And of
course all of this adds to the risk and intensity of the act. Perversion works
best if it is outrageous i.e. people end up outraged. The irony here is in the
efforts to conceal outrageous behavior. Perversion works because the behavior
is so “unusual” and the irony for clinicians is that is so common.

Obsession
Anger can fuel sexual obsession. This occurs especially in cases of betrayal and
jealousy. In the situation described above where the man’s wife had affairs with
black men, he literally tortured himself with the preoccupation with her
behavior. This obsession was intensely sexual and overtly hostile. That it
evolved into stalking behavior is very common. In obsessive anger the rules get
suspended. The stalker is justified because they keep building the case against
the betraying person.
In sex addiction this stalking is justified for both addicts and coaddicts. The
coaddict becomes sexually obsessed as well and goes to the extremes of
breaking the spouse’s privacy e.g. hiring a private detective, going through
personal papers and diaries, reviewing bills and credit card statements, and
following the addict.
There is a website dedicated to helping people with this type of surveillance. A
woman who had discovered that her husband was using their computer for
cybersex brought the website to my attention. It started when she learned he
was having affairs via email and downloading pornography.
She was outraged.
She found a website designed for husbands who cheat on the web. She got lots
of ideas. So she used her computer at work to pose as another woman and
initiated a torrid chat room affair with her husband. She also installed a
surveillance system on their computer, which supplied a copy of everything he
did on the computer. So he was acting out and at times it was with her.
She was aware of all that he did. He had no idea this was going on. She learned
about the software on the website. With about three thousand visitors a week,
she joined participants to talk about “what their husbands have done now.”
Anger, perversity, getting even, finding revenge, and being obsessive
all the components of eroticized rage are there. The charade is complete in that she
continues to have sex with her husband as if nothing had changed.
Intervention
Most clients are surprised to learn that there is an anger component to their
sexual behavior. There are several reasons they overlook the obvious. First,
they are aware of the sex but not the anger. Patients who are in compulsive
cycles or repetitive patterns are especially prone to this. Second, they have a
complex web of thought distortions and rationalizations that preclude any of
their own responsibility. Finally, they will need a therapist’s help to make
explicit the dynamics of the family or the legacy of abuse in the patient’s life.
Typically patients do not welcome these realizations at first. Over time they are
seen as break through events.
There are two interventions that are extremely helpful. First, I ask my patients
to make explicit their sexual arousal template. What experiences, scenarios,
objects, preferences, beliefs, and feelings go into arousal for the patient? Is
there an “ideal” fantasy, which can be made explicit? The therapist then assists
the client in examining arousal and where it comes from.
Another exercise that is extremely helpful in this process is the “trauma egg.” A
large elliptical circle is drawn on a piece of newsprint. The patient is instructed
to draw symbols or pictures of times when they felt hurt, misunderstood,
anxious or abandoned. They start at the bottom of the egg with their earliest
memories and fill the egg up to the current moment. It is one of the quickest
ways to get at deep seated patterns and saves much therapy time. (A complete
description of this process can be found in Dr. Carnes’ book The Betrayal Bond
that can be ordered from his website at www.sexhelp.com.)
Remember that anger does not have to be pleasurable to be erotic. We had a
patient who was sexually abused by an older brother starting at the age of
nine. As an adult she was sexually aversive or sexually “anorexic.” When she
would drink alcohol she was incredibly promiscuous but would derive no
pleasure.
The conquest was the goal. Anger and sex were combined but not with pleasure.
The following are issues that should be on a clinician’s checklist when dealing
with eroticized anger:
Sex Addiction:
those addicted to compulsive sex frequently are unaware of the underlying feelings, especially anger. If the clinician sees a repetitive pattern, and the client is doing what they know is self destructive and they cannot stop,
sexual addiction assessment would be appropriate.
Addiction Interaction:
sexual compulsion may occur in the presence of other addictions. When this happens it may be a “package” as in the above example when sexual promiscuity occurred when drinking. Multiple addictions and the underlying feelings will need to be understood by the client as an interlockingset of circumstances.

Trauma:
anger is one of the inevitable critical reactions to having been betrayed. Therapists often have to help clients separate legitimate anger from eroticized rage, which is debilitating to them.

Trauma Bonding:
traumatic bonding occurs in situations where deep feelings intensify attachment. The result is that people will attach more deeply to people who are destructive to them. Think of the movie War of the Roses.

Stalking:
patients are actually quite startled to realize their surveillance
behavior is stalking. To use that word introduces a helpful dissonance into
their obsessional world. They do not like to see themselves as stalkers.

Courtship and Intimacy Disorders:
many patients have anger and frustration because they never learned basic relationship skills including how to initiate a relationship, resolve conflict, or make themselves vulnerable. Therapy is often remediating what the client missed.
In all of these clinical issues, therapists must keep in mind that the Internet is changing everything. For those who wish to be perverse and secretive it is an ideal arena. An entire issue of Sexual Addiction and Compulsion, the Journal of Treatment and Prevention was dedicated to the problem of cybersex. Here are some facts, which emerged in that issue:

About six percent of Internet users are having trouble with sex on the internet

A profile of very severe problems exists for one percent of users which virtually cripples their ability to function

Forty per cent of these extreme cases are women

Most pornography is downloaded from nine to five

One hundred thousand websites are dedicated to selling sex in some way
exist (not counting chat rooms, email or other forms of sexual contact on the
web.)

Two hundred sexual related websites are added every day

Sex on the internet constitutes the third largest economic sector on the web
(software and computers being first and second)

The greatest technological innovations on the web were developed by the sex
industry (video streaming, for example)
Throughout this article I have used examples involving sex on the web. For the
clinician it creates a new area of intervention. Since the computer is part of the
problem and the computer may be a necessary part of the client business life,
the therapist will have to contract with the client as to agreed upon computer use boundaries. These contracts will be similar to those used for patients with eating disorders or sex addiction.
Patients need sex, food and (in a technological age) a computer.
Patients agree to what they will not do, what they will avoid, and what they are working
towards. In other words, just as a patient would have a food plan, or a sex
plan, there would be a plan about computer use and sex. This will also require
some extended discussions with your client about what goes into healthy
sexuality on the net or off. Which brings us back to understanding when anger
becomes eroticized.

Conclusion
Once the concept of eroticized rage is understood, therapists will see that it is
much more wide spread than previously thought. Family therapists will see the
couple caught in endless cycles of fighting followed by sex. People who work
with prison populations will note what prisoner’s wives already know: release
means angry sex. Addiction specialists will become aware that the disinhibiting
qualities of drugs and alcohol will release sexualized anger that does not occur
in a sober person. If therapists notice the traits of eroticized anger restoration
of personal parity, revenge, perversion, and obsession they can be of extraordinary help to their clients.
In the larger drama around the abuse of power and sexual parity, eroticized rage brings a clarifying perspective. We see that the angry use of sex can be done by either sex and that victimization is not gender dependent. The problem
is the abuse of power. What eroticized rage also clarifies is that independent of the power issues is the abuse of intimacy, which is also independent of gender.
Power and intimacy expose our most vulnerable parts and we have to take care. We have given the abuse of power much attention in recent years. I think that we have not attended to intimacy as well. Otherwise mental health would
be more of a priority in this culture. In some ways it falls to the professional counselor to help point the way
for our clients and for all of us.

Twelve Step Prayers from The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

Twelve Step Prayers
from
the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
The Twelve Step Prayers were created using the text of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. The text used to develop the prayers are shown at the end of the prayer in parenthesis. My hope is that these prayers will provide a framework for you to develop your own or expand on the wording below.

The Set Aside Prayer:

“Dear God please help me to set aside everything I think I know about [people. place or thing] so I may have an open mind and a new experience. Please help me to see the truth about [people. place or thing]. AMEN.” (This prayer comes from the Chapter to the Agnostic.)

First Step Prayer

Dear Lord, Help me to see and admit that I am powerless over my alcoholism. Help me to understand how my alcoholism has led to unmanageability in my life. Help me this day to understand the true meaning of powerlessness. Remove from me all denial of my alcoholism. (This prayer is developed from the chapter, More About Alcoholism)

Second Step Prayer

Heavenly Father, I am having trouble with personal relationships. I can’t control my emotional nature. I am prey to misery and depression. I can’t make a living. I feel useless. I am full of fear. I am unhappy. I can’t seem to be of real help to others. I know in my heart that only you can restore me to sanity if I am just willing to stop doubting your power. I humbly ask that you help me to understand that it is more powerful to believe than not to believe and that you are either everything or nothing. (p. 52:2, 52:3, 53:1, 53:2)

3rd Step Prayer:

“God, I offer myself to thee – to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!” (63:2 original manuscript) (see also the webpage with other Third Step Prayers)

A Pre-Inventory prayer:

“God, please help me to honestly take stock. Help me to search out the flaws in my make-up which caused my failure. Help me to see where resentment has plagued me and resulted in spiritual malady, but more importantly help me to understand my part in these resentments. Help me to resolutely look for my own mistakes and to understand where I had been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened. Please help me to be searching and fearless in my endeavor to write my inventory.” (p. 64:2, 64:3, 67:2)

A 4th Step Resentment Prayer:

“God, Please help me to be free of anger and to see that the world and its people have dominated me. Show me that the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, has the power to actually kill me. Help me to master my resentments by understanding that the people who wrong me were perhaps spiritually sick. Please help me show those I resent the same Tolerance, Pity and Patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend.** Help me to see that this is a sick man. Father, please show me how I can be helpful to him and save me from being angry. Lord, help me to avoid retaliation or argument. I know I can’t be helpful to all people, but at least show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one. Thy will be done.”(66:2, 66:3, 66:4, 67:0, 67:1)

**Dear God, I have a resentment towards a person that I want to be free of. So, I am asking you to give this person everything I want for myself. Help me to feel compassionate understanding and love for this person. I pray that they will receive everything they need. Thank you God for your help and strength with this resentment. (BB, Freedom from Bondage: 552)
These instructions are for the above prayer (Big Book, Freedom from Bondage, p. 552):

‘If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free…Even when you don’t really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don’t mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love.’

You can, also, include the Freedom from Bondage Prayer in the 4th Step Resentment Prayer.

An Example of Fear Prayer:

“God, thank you for helping me be honest enough to see this truth about myself and now that you have shown me the truth about my fears, please remove these fears from me. Lord, please help me outgrow my fears and direct my attention to what you would have me be. Father, demonstrate through me and help me become that which you would have me be. Help me do thy will always, Amen.”(68:3)

An Example of Pre-Sex Inventory Prayer:

“God, please help me to be free of fear as I attempt to shine the spotlight of truth across my past sex relations. Lord, please show me where my behavior has harmed others and help me to see the truth these relationships hold for me. Help me see where I have been at fault and what I should have done differently.” (From the thoughts on pg. 69)

“God, help me review my own conduct over the years past. Show me where I have been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate. Show me whom I have hurt and where I have unjustifiably aroused jealousy, suspicion or bitterness. Help me to see where I was at fault and what I should have done instead. Help me to be fearless and searching in my endeavor to write my sexual inventory.” (69:1)

A Sex Prayer:

“Father, please help me mold my sex ideals and help me to live up to them. Help me be willing to grow toward my ideals and help me be willing to make amends where I have done harm. Lord, please show me what to do in each specific matter, and be the final judge in each situation. Help me avoid hysterical thinking or advice.” (69:2, 69:3)

“Father, please Grace me with guidance in each questionable situation, sanity, and strength to do the right thing. If sex becomes very troublesome, quiet my imperious urge, help me not to yield and keep me from heartache as I throw myself the harder into helping others. Help me think of their needs and help me work for them. Amen.”(69:2, 69:3, 70:2)

A Pre-Fifth Step Prayer:

God, please help me to complete my housecleaning by admitting to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. Please remove any fears I have about this step and show me how completion of it will remove my egotism and fear. Help me to see how this step builds my character through humility, fearlessness and honesty. Direct me to the right person who will keep my confidence and fully understand and approve what I am driving at. Then help me to pocket my pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past so I may complete this step and begin to feel near to you.” (72:1, 72:2, 73:0, 74:2, 75:2)

Fifth Step Prayer

Higher Power, Thank you for helping me complete my housecleaning. I can now look the world in the eye. I can be alone at perfect peace and ease. My fears have fallen from me. I have begun to feel your nearness. I have begun to have a spiritual experience. I feel I am on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe. (75:2)

A Quiet Hour Prayer:

“God, Thank You for giving me the strength, faith and courage I needed to get through my 5th Step. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me to know you better, by showing me what has been blocking me from you. Father, please show me if I have omitted anything and help me to honestly see if my stones are properly in place or if I have skimped in any area of this work.”(75:3)

A 6th Step prayer:

“God, Thank you for removing my fear and for showing me the truth about myself. Father, I need your help to become willing to let go of the things in me which continue to block me off from you. Please grant me your Grace Lord and make me willing to have these objectionable characteristics, defects and shortcomings removed.” (76:1)

Sixth Step Prayer

Dear God, I am ready for Your help in removing from me the defects of character which I now realize are an obstacle to my recovery. Help me to continue being honest with myself & guide me toward spiritual & mental health. (76:1)

Seventh Step Prayer

“My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good & bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you & my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here to do Your bidding.” (76:2)

A Pre – Eighth Step Prayer:

“God, Please remove my Fears and show me your truth. Show me all the harms I have caused with my behavior and help me be willing to make amends to one and all. Help me to be willing to go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.”(76:3)

A 9th Step Prayer :

“God, with regard to this amend, give me the strength, courage and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be. Help me not to shrink from anything. Help me not to delay if it can be avoided. Help me to be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping.”(79:1, 83:3)

A 9th Step prayer for the Spouse:

“God, please show me how to make amends to my Spouse. Father , Help me to keep my Spouse’s happiness Uppermost in my mind as I try, with your Grace, to make this relationship right. Amen” (82:1)

A 9Th Step Prayer for the Family:

“God, please show me how to find the way of Patience, Tolerance, Kindness and Love in my heart, my Mind and my Soul. Lord, show me how to demonstrate these principles to my family and all those about me. Amen.” (83:1)

A 10th Step prayer for Growth and Effectiveness:

“God, please help me Watch for Selfishness, Dishonesty, Resentment and Fear. When these crop up in me, help me to immediately ask you to remove them from me and help me discuss these feelings with someone. Father, help me to quickly make amends if I have harmed anyone and help me to resolutely turn my thoughts to someone I can Help. Help me to be Loving and Tolerant of everyone today. Amen”(84:2)

Tenth Step Prayer

My Higher Power, My daily prayer is to best serve you,
I pray I may continue to grow in understanding & effectiveness;
Help me to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear;
Help me to be willing to have You remove them at once;
I must be willing to discuss them with someone immediately;
I will make amends quickly if I have harmed anyone;
And then I will turn my thoughts toward helping someone else;
Please help me to remember to practice love and tolerance of others. (84:2)

Tenth Step Amends Prayer

“God, please forgive me for my failings today. I know that because of my failings, I was not able to be as effective as I could have been for you. Please forgive me and help me live thy will better today. I ask you now to show me how to correct the errors I have just outlined. Guide me and direct me. Please remove my arrogance and my fear. Show me how to make my relationships right and grant me the humility and strength to do thy will.”(86:1)

The 11Th Step Prayers:

A Prayer On Awakening:

“God please direct my thinking and keep my thoughts divorced from self – pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Please keep my thought life clear from wrong motives and help me employ my mental faculties, that my thought-life might be placed on a higher plane, the plane of inspiration.” (86:2)

A Morning Prayer:

“God, should I find myself agitated, doubtful or indecisive today, please give me inspiration, help me to have an intuitive thought or a decision about this problem I face. Help me not to struggle, instead, help me to relax and take it easy. Help me know what I should do and keep me mindful, that you are running the show. Free me from my bondage of self. Thy will be done always.” (86:3)

A Morning Prayer:

“God, please show me all through this day, what my next step is to be and please grace me with whatever I need to take care of the problems in my life today. I ask especially that you free me from the bondage of self-will.”(87:1)

An 11Th Step Nightly Review Prayer:

“God, help me to constructively review my day. Where was I resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do I owe an apology? Have I kept something to myself which should be discussed with another person at once? Was I kind and loving toward all? What could I have done better? Was I thinking of myself most of the time? Or was I thinking of what I could do for others, of what I could pack into the stream of life? Please forgive me for my harms and wrongs today and let me know corrective measures I should be take.” (86:2)

Twelfth Step Prayer

Dear God, Having had a spiritual experience, I must now remember that “faith without works is dead.” And PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. So, God, please help me to carry this message to other alcoholics! Provide me with the guidance and wisdom to talk with another alcoholic because I can help when no one else can. Help me secure his confidence and remember he is ill. (89:1)

http://friendsofbillw.net/twelve_step_prayers

Top Ten Strategies to use at meal and snack times (Help with overeating)

Top Ten Strategies to Use at Meal and Snack Times

1. Write down and use positive healthy statements for eating times, such as “I am going to do what is best for my recovery at this meal, no matter what negative thoughts I have.” “I need this food to help my body stay strong.” “By eating this meal, I am helping to gain clarity.” “There is no such thing as a perfect meal, but I will do the best I can to eat well.” “I need food for my organs to function at 100%.” “Even if I eat more than I set out to eat, I will not beat myself up because I am doing the best I can.” “Nothing bad can possibly happen to me by eating this meal right now. Only good things can result from giving my body nourishment.” “I will not base what my nutritional needs are on the negative feelings I have about my body. I will eat what I know to be the best meal for my overall health, and my psychological well-being.

2. Try not to go longer than 4 waking hours without food. The body is designed to be fed at regular intervals and going too long without food may create heightened food obsessions, cravings, and extremes in hunger. By sticking to a fairly regular schedule of eating, you will be better able to think clearly and tune into your body’s needs better.

3. Make sure you are in a calm emotional place when you sit down to eat. Eating while upset, angry, anxious, or in any negative emotional state can alter your hunger and fullness cues, and increase eating disordered thoughts, urges, and behaviors.

4. If you need meal time support from a family member, friend, or other loved one, ask for it before you sit down to eat. Once you sit down with food in front of you, you are already too vulnerable. Sometimes a supportive person can distract you from the negative eating disordered voice and can help make the meal/snack a more enjoyable experience overall.

5. There’s a saying that goes “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail”. Try to think about what your day is going to look like in terms of schedule, activities, places you will be, and people you will be with. Think about, and plan for how you will meet your nutritional needs. You don’t have to obsessively plan everything you will eat, but be prepared for the day. Clients often say to me “I didn’t have time to eat this food or that food.” “I didn’t have time to prepare my food.” “I didn’t have xxx food in the house, so I just grabbed something at the last minute.” “I didn’t know what I wanted so I didn’t eat.” “I didn’t have anything I liked to I just ate random stuff.” “I ran short on time so I just grabbed something and ate it in my car.” These are excuses, justifications that are not putting recovery as the top priority. Decisions like these will ultimately set your recovery back. Recovery must come first, and having a plan to eat well, and often, must be priority #1. (I am very busy during the week, and I never ever go to work or anywhere without either bringing plenty of food with me or knowing where I can buy a very satisfying meal/snack. Planning to be well fed reduces my anxiety and assures me that I will be able to meet my needs as well as I possibly can.

6. Try your best not to multitask while eating. Even if you need distractions while eating, try to be as present as possible. The more mindful you are, the more you can be attuned to what your food needs are. Try not to eat while driving, watching TV, on the computer, or working?

7. Make sure the meal/snack “counts” psychologically. Too often, people with eating disorders make food choices based on rigid rules, not based on what they like. If you are on a meal plan, or if you are working on intuitive eating, choose foods that appeal to you. Choose foods that you are in the mood for, not foods that you think you “should” have. Eating the same exact foods every day, eating by strict rules, eliminating certain food groups or nutrients, eating less than you know is best for you, are all forms of restriction and will potentially backfire sooner or later.

8. Make sure you are working on incorporating a wide variety of foods and all the macronutrients (protein, carbohydrate, and fat). The human body has a need for all the nutrients, to work optimally. It is best to have at least three or four food groups at meal time, and at least two food groups at snack time. By having a variety of food groups, and having foods that appeal to you psychologically (strategy #7), your body will be well fueled and you will feel satisfied. By accomplishing both physical and psychological satiety, you will also get food off your mind a bit easier, obsessions may diminish, and your mind will be freed up to focus on your passions and other pleasures. Remember though, that your eating disordered “voice” will try to beat you up for eating foods that give you pleasure. Tell that negative voice that by eating foods you like, you are getting stronger and closer to recover

9. Eat sitting down at a table or counter, with as pleasing of surroundings as possible. Use appealing tableware, tablecloth or placemat, and utensils. It is optimal to have all the conditions possible to have a pleasant, mindful meal. You could even make your own special placemat, bowl, or plate. Try not to eat standing up. Food eaten while multitasking or standing up doesn’t “count” psychologically, sets you up for feeling dissatisfied, and increases urges to crave more food.

10. If one meal or snack doesn’t go well, or if you have used an eating disordered behavior at any time during the day, don’t write the entire day off as a “failure”. At the very next time you need to eat, in order to maintain your structure, you have the opportunity to turn things around. Try to never, ever, end the day with an eating disordered behavior or disordered meal. Make sure you end your day doing something positive with your food. There is no stronger statement you can make regarding recovery than going to bed having done the best you could at the end of the day.

http://www.thebeginwithinblog.com/tag/negative-voice/

MATURITY

MATURITY

MATURITY is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence or destruction.
MATURITY is patience. It is the willingness to pass up immediate pleasure in favor of long-term gain.
MATURITY is perseverance, the ability to sweat out a project or a situation in spit of heavy opposition and discouraging setbacks.
MATURITY is the capacity to face unpleasantness and frustration, discomfort and defeat, without complaint or collapse.
MATURITY is humility. It is being big enough to say, “I was wrong.” And, when right, the mature person need not experience the satisfaction of saying “I told you so.”
MATURITY is the ability to make a decision and follow through. The immature spend their lives exploring endless possibilities and then do nothing.
MATURITY means dependability, keeping one’s word and coming through in a crisis. The immature are masters of the alibi. They are conflicted and disorganized. Their lives are a maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business and good intentions that never materialize.
MATURITY is the art of living in peace with what we cannot change, the courage to change what we know should be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Daily Tenth Step Inventory & Affirmations – A Gentle Path Through the 12 Steps

Daily Tenth Step Inventory

Each day mentally review these areas of your life as a 10th Step inventory.

HAPPINESS – Did you balance satisfaction with desires?

affirmation:
I CREATE MY OWN HAPPINESS BY ALLOCATING MY RESOURCES TO ACHIEVE THOSE THINGS THAT GIVE ME SATISFACTION.

GROWTH – Did you balance your need for stability with what is healthy, new, and different?

Affirmation:
I HAVE A FIRM FOUNDATION OF STABILITY IN SEVERALAREAS OF MY LIFE THAT ALLOWS ME TO POSITIVELY CHANGE TO CONTINUE MY GROWTH IN RECOVERY.

SERENITY – Did you balance your possibilities with your limitations?

Affirmation:
THE OPTIONS I SELECT AND THE BOUNDARIES I ESTABLISH GIVE ME SERENITY.

PEACE OF MIND – Did you take the risk to not keep secrets from those you trust?

Affirmation:
MY PEACE OF MIND COMES FROM TRUSTING MY INTIMATE CIRCLE WITH MY REALITY.

REALITY – Did you list the strengths and weaknesses that you demonstrated today?

Affirmation:
I ACCEPT MY STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES, MY GOOD AND BAD CHOICES THAT HELP ME THROUGH THE GRAY OF REALITY.

ACHIEVEMENTS – Did you plan or act on your vision for yourself today?

Affirmation:
VISION CREATES THE PURPOSE AND DIRECTION FOR MY LIFE. I ACHIEVE MY PURPOSE WITH PLANNING AND EXECUTION – ONE PIECE AT A TIME.

INTIMACY – Did you find balance between your boundaries and accountability to others?

Affirmation:
TRUST IN MYSELF AND IN OTHERS ALLOWS ME INTIMACY.

PRODUCTIVITY – Was there balance between what you accomplished and moments of peace for you today?

Affirmation:
MY PRODUCTIVITY IS MAXIMIZED WHEN I ACCOMPLISH TASKS AND SPEND TIME RE-CREATING MYSELF.

HEALTH – What did you do today to take care of your body?

Affirmation:
I PERFORM HEALTHFUL PRACTICES OUT OF RESPECT AND REVERENCE FOR MY BODY’S NEEDS.

SPIRITUALITY – What action did you take today to touch a sense of your higher purpose and your own humanity?

Affirmation:
EACH MOMENT IN MY DAY HOLDS AN OPPORTUNITY TO GIVR MY LIFE HIGHER MEANING BY HOW I CHOSSE TO LIVE IT.

Spiritual Affirmations – A Gentle Path through the 12 Steps by Patrick J Carnes

Spirituality Affirmations

The following list of suggested affirmations will help you reprogram yourself for spiritual openness. Read them each day, or tape record these positive messages and listen to them before falling asleep at night. Select from the list the affirmations that have meaning for you, and add some of your own. Gradually, as you repeat these affirmations to yourself, you will begin to experience and internalize your inner truth. Affirmations are a spiritual gift you can give to yourself.

Each moment of my day is filled with openness and vulnerablility to the world around me.

I am connected to my planet. I experience the sky, the wind, the rain and all the elements of my environment. I am aware of the cycle of life. Each day brings greater awareness of my place in this universe.

With an empty mind, I take in each moment as a new experience. Each moment in recovery brings transformation.

I have an inner, true voice that is in harmony with the universe. Each day I develop greater acuity and discernment in interpreting my voice’s clear messages to me.

My body is my primary vehicle for embracing the awe of my world. Each day I nurture and tend to it. Stretching my body brings energy, strength, and confidence to face my struggles.

I am connected to the past, present, and future. What has gone before me is part of me and I will be a part of what goes on after me. I am part of the circle of my community. As we are all connected to the past, present, and future, we are all connected to each other.

I am open to the spiritual guidance of others. My spiritual guides are those I love and trust, those I respect, those who have a mesage for me and those who offer symbols to help me on my journey.

My wounds are my teachers. I am open to their lessons.

I practice my spiriutality daily. My spiriutality is a daily extension of my internal life.

I AFFIRM THE PROMISES FOR MYSELF

I know a new freedom and happiness.
I embrace my past.
I comprehend the word serenity ad know peace.
I can see how my experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity has disappeared.
As I lose inters in selfish things, I gain interest in my fellows.
Self-seeking hs slipped away.
My whole attitude and outlook upon life is changing.
Fear of people and econimic insecurity has left.
I intuitively know how to handle situatioonss that used to baffle me.
I realize that God is doing for me what I could not do for myself.