The art of self massage – caring for your feet

Often we run around like headless chickens, doing this and doing that.
Slow down and take a moment for yourself – care for your feet, they need your love :-).

Years ago I did a course on Holistic Healthing Massaging in Johannesburg, South Africa. It was an intense 6 week course and at the end of it you get your diploma and you know a bit more about massaging.
Most of the training is focused on massaging someone else other than yourself but over the years I have read up plenty on massaging techniques and self healing. What a treat it is to massage your own feet and hands, after all who knows your body better than anyone else? It doesn’t cost you anything and you feel really great afterwards.

Today I pampered my feet and took my time, each toe and part of my feet feel like they have been taken care of. It is such a lovely rewarding feeling to just spend time rubbing, massaging and caressing your overlooked and neglected tired feet. I am guilty of not being great at painting my toenails and doing special things for my feet. I do spend a lot of time on my hair and facial routine but sadly the one part of my body I neglect the most is my poor old feet :-(.

I am happy today that I have put other important things on hold and dedicated time to this important job, after all my feet cart me around everywhere and are very reliable. It is a shame that I have neglected them and I plan to change that from now, I am dedicating time weekly to making my feet the nicest and most important part of my body and of course my week.

niki

People Pleasing – changing destructive behaviour

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Bill Cosby

It is unhealthy behaviour to put ones own needs aside and favour instead to please everyone around us. It is very destructive and can cause depression, resentment and can cause our lives to spiral out of control. It is a dangerous trap to fall into. People pleasing has different degrees and some people are more prone to this behaviour. When we do not have healthy personal boundaries and when we feel the need to be liked and will go to most any lengths to please others, it is time for a change.

Growing up in a family with a dominant parent or having a dominant partner can lead us to become people pleasers and our desire to be liked by everyone becomes part of who we are. There are many reasons why people feel the need to be emotional caretakers for others. Our need to be liked came be so strong that we struggle to say NO to requests that often leave us feeling unhappy. This can lead to low self esteem, lack of clear personal boundaries and in extreme cases can make you become someone elses doormat.

It is never too late to change our behaviour. We need to do some serious self exploration and self examining. We need to look at our lives and how this situation has come about over time. We need to do a personal emotional house cleansing by getting our personal boundaries back on track, learning to say no and meaning it too. Examine our need to be likes and start putting ourselves first. Even on an aeroplane we are told to first put our own oxygen mask on before trying to put on someone elses.

It is amazing how great it feels when you take back your power and own your own life. It doesn’t mean you become mean and nasty and unhelpful actually the complete opposite. It means you gain the respect of yourself first and formost and then you gain your fellow friends, collegues and families respect as well.

There is something very empowering about being able to say NO when you have always struggled with saying no. It makes you almost feel a few inches taller and stronger and this feeling comes quickly. People can sometimes take a step back at your change of behaviour but it is always positive when they respect you for it. Relationships are a two way street, there needs to be balance, give AND take.

“In trying to please all, he had pleased none.”
― Aesop,
Aesop’s Fables

Right here, right now, when I feel I am slipping back into people pleasing mode, I will take a personal inventory of my current behaviour and see where I am going wrong. I will start fresh from today and practice putting myself first and my welfare first. I know people pleasing has cost me a lot of heartache in the past and I will enjoy the serenity I achieve when I stop people pleasing and instead put my boundaries back in place.

x niki

copyright NJTurner 2016

Kindness & selflessness

My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.”

― Dalai Lama XIV

I think that single sentence is one that I will never forget. The first time I heard it I was deeply touched. This reminds me of a friend I once met on a friendship site a few years ago. A group of us used to ask questions and then everyone answered them and the answers would come into your inbox. It was a fun way to learn about them and we all enjoyed this. I answered many questions such as, what was the best holiday destination and so on? Then I asked the question, If you could bring one person back to life who had passed away who would it be and why? I was expecting the usual answers, their parents, granny, uncle and so on. I had to start it off by answering the question first so I said my little dog Suki. I waited patiently for my answers to come through and so they did, all the grannies, aunties and friends and even Elvis was mentioned. Then my friend Shen’s reply came and he answered Suki! He would choose her. I sat there in silence for what seemed to be a long time and tears filled my eyes. I could not believe he would have said that. What a kind thing to say. It would have never entered my head to think of what someone else would want and I was too busy with my own wants. His answer has always stuck in my head and made me see how selfless some people are, they automatically think of others before themselves.

Both the quote by the Dalai Lama and the kind comment from my friend Shen are examples of how I would love to be. I strive to be a better person every day. After all being kind is not difficult but it is easy to forget and even be unkind when we are angry or upset.

Kindness

Like roses in a garden,
Kindness fills the air
With a certain bit of sweetness
As it touches everywhere
Helen Steiner Rice

Right here, right now, I want to practice kindness and saying kind words whenever I am confronted with any situation. It doesn’t cost me anything to be kind to people and kind to myself is just as important.

x niki

copyright NJTurner 2016

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”

― Mother Teresa

Lifes a great balancing act – Dr Zeuss

Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.

Robert Fulghum

It is not always easy trying to do the usual balancing act we all have to do, in order to achieve all we need to just to have our lives in reasonable order. Take the washing out, empty the trash, feed the cat/dog and give umpteen lifts in the car. All this and still maintain your usual working day. Life is not always easy and at times it can even be a little tough.

We strive daily to keep a life which is balanced. We should be grateful for knowing what we need to do in order to deal with life on lifes terms. By starting the day with a few minutes silence to gather our thoughts and plan the day with balance as the prime focus. A little time for housework, a little time for work, a little time for my family and friends, a little time for myself and so the list goes on until it is eventually finished. It is not always possible to manage it the way we would like to but tomorrow is a new day and we can start again with fresh ideas and thoughts. Life is a balancing act!

To achieve balance and clarity in your life, you must have a solid, clean foundation. Your home is a good place to start.

Iyanla van Zant

Right here, right now, when I feel I am not coping with my balancing act, I will focus on my priorities in the order they are meant to be in. Balancing life is something you can only make daily progress with but never perfect it fully.

x niki

copyright NJTurner 2016

Everyone you meet is your mirror

A loving person lives in a loving world
A hostile person lives in a hostile world
Everyone you meet is your mirror
Ken Keyes Jr
Handbook of Higher Conscieousness

It is easy to get caught up in judging people around you.
Watching television is the worst place for picking at people on the screen from
the safety of your armchair.
What a lovely world it would be if we could look at everyone with pure eyes and non
judgemental views.
Criticism is born out of fear, our own fears, our own self worth and speaking ill of others
is speaking ill of ourselves too. We are all one.

Behavior is the mirror in which everyone shows their image.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Today I will practice refraining from being judgemental and put in place a better way to
see the world. Everyone is our mirror and we can see the people around us as beautiful and kind or
we can see them in a less pleasant way, the choice is ours.

What you think of me is non of my business!

What you think of me is non of my business! Terry Cole Whittaker

Oh how often we get caught up being upset to the point of obsession by what other people may or may not think of us. Now it is time to say enough is enough. It is irrelevant what anyone else may think to either be true or untrue about us. They are entitled to their own opinion. It is not for us to concern ourselves with this. We have enough to do in this busy life of ours to concern ourselves with this trivia.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
Bernard M Baruch

Right here right now I am going to practice not judging anyone else and most of all not judging myself either.

Setting goals

“When you do what you fear most, then you can do anything.”
― Stephen Richards

Life is what we make it. If we are going to sit around sulking about how other people are achieving and getting ahead in life while we are stuck, then this is going to keep us feeling down in the dumps.
We can get up and dust ourselves off from all the negative self talk and self sabbotaging and start setting goals to achieve our own accomplishments and achievements. No one else is going to miraculously do it for us. Setting realistic goals is a good way to start. Make a bullet point list of all the achievements you wish to achieve in the next day, week, month and year. Then set about juggling with your life to make this workable. Always remember that if you are unsure of the goal you would like to reach and are not specific about what it is you are after, then the universe will have a problem delivering it to you.
Goals need to be written out and posted on the fridge, computer desk and wherever it is that is accessible to you to reflect on the goals you have set out for yourself. Believe and you will achieve.

“If you raise your standards but don’t really believe you can meet them, you’ve already sabotaged yourself. You won’t even try; you’ll be lacking the sense of certainty that allows you to tap the deepest capacity that’s within you. Our beliefs are like unquestioned commands, telling us how things are, what’s possible and impossible and what we can and can not do. They shape every action, every thought and every feeling that we experience. As a result, changing our belief systems is central to making any real and lasting change in our lives.”

Anthony Robbins

Right here, right now I will remember that my goals are not out of my reach, they are obtainable and I will achieve them, one day at a time and in God’s time. I have made the start by outlining what they are and now I will enforce them.

x niki

copyright NJTurner 2015

Dis-ease versus disease

There are certain people whom everyone likes to be around. We often
say, “I like their energy”. We are absolutely correct about this.
These people do broadcast good energy. There are other people we do
not want to be around for just the opposite reason. We are all aware
of this. But it goes much deeper than this. When we walk around
criticizing, judging and blaming others or ourselves we weaken our
life energy. When we go though our life being angry and negative
towards others or ourselves we generate negative energy that makes us
feel bad and makes us suffer immediately. The impact of this energy
continues to affect us over time. Eventually these negative thought
patterns create negative energy fields that disrupt the body’s
physical functioning and can in some cases create dis-ease.

“Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything,
and love is all there is.” ~ Gary Zukav

When we are at “dis-ease” or uneasy this means we are not easy in body or mind; uncomfortable; restless; disturbed; perturbed. It is our bodies way of telling us that something is not right. When we feel “dis-ease” we need to find out what it is that is making us feel this way. Then we need to tackle it in the appropriate manner. Unattended and ignored this can lead us to becoming physically, mentally and spiritually bankrupt and in some cases have been known to cause us disease.

Right here, right now, I am working on my dis-ease and by doing so, improving my spiritual life and moving away from the shadows of negative and self destructive thoughts.
x niki

copyright NJTurner 2014

Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes

Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you. Never apologize for being correct, or for being years ahead of your time. If you’re right and you know it, speak your mind. Speak your mind. Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is still the truth.
Mahatma Gandhi

We often feel intimidated to speak up when we see things are not right. It is easier to ignore something than cause a stir by being confrontational and speaking up. When you don’t speak up for yourself, you let yourself down. It is not necessary to be argumentative, brash and rude. It is important to stand up and defend your beliefs. On the flip side you do not need to stand up and fight for others if they can defend themselves. Do not interfere in other people’s business. Keep your side of the street clean only. You are not responsible for anyone but yourself.

Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.
Unknown

Right here, right now, when I feel things are not as they should be, I will defend myself. If I am mistreated I will voice my disapproval and say why I feel that way (based on facts). I will open my mouth and speak up.

x niki

copyright NJTurner 2014

Self Sabotage

“Some people create their own storms and then get upset when it rains”
― unknown

When you sabotage yourself with self defeating thoughts and actions it just makes you feel
even worse.
Instead, focus on things you could do differently. Even if it is just a small gesture such as
cleaning out one drawer instead of the whole house. Take baby steps to improve the things you find
make you upset and overwhelmed. If you feel you are putting on weight or losing too much weight,
write down an easy guide to stick to, in order to make sure you are eating correctly. When you feel
vulnerable repeating the same self destructive behaviour, pause and think how you could do it better.
Sometimes, this might even need to be done on an hourly basis. We are not saints, we are just human
beings trying to make life more pleasant for ourselves.
Be mindful how good it is that you are now aware of not beating yourself up but instead realise
that by making your own life difficult it is a cycle that you can break.

“Those who say life is knocking them down and giving them a tough time are usually the first to beat themselves up. Be on your own side.”

Rasheed Ogunlaru

Right here, right now I will remember that self sabotage is negative, destructive and has no place in my life.
It is when we are hard on ourselves and unfair to ourselves. We create the drama and then sit back and wonder how it all happened.
x niki

copyright NJTurner 2014