How to handle difficult people

How to Handle Difficult People

A bully at your work is difficult for you to face. He is demanding you do part of his job without pay or credit. How do you handle it?

Your neighbors are constantly fighting. They wake you up in the middle of the night with their screams and curses. What do you say to them?

Your father is unhappy about your career choice. He constantly criticizes your work and points out what he thinks you should do. How do you deal with him?

Difficult situations are part of everyone’s life. Employers and employees can’t get along. Partners clash over money. Spouses cannot resolve disagreements.

If you ignore these situations, they always get worse. Employees get fired, partnerships and marriages break up, everyone is miserable.

Waiting and worrying, the most common “solution,” also allows the problem to get worse while giving you stress and shortening your life span.

If you attack the person, at least you are trying to fix the problem. But attacks, rage or irrational anger gives you a bad name, makes people afraid of you and reduces honest communication.

Disconnecting from the problem or from the person is not always wise or practical. Losing employees, supporters and friends because you needlessly disassociate from them may reduce your stress, but you might also become lonely and poor.

The Best Solution Is to Confront and Handle People

“The ability to stand up to and confront and handle whatever comes the way of the organization depends utterly on the ability of the individuals of the organization to stand up to, confront and handle what comes the individual’s way.” — L. Ron Hubbard

When you face and resolve the problem yourself, you feel wonderful. You are in control of your life. You not only conquer the opposition, you conquer your fear. Few accomplishments are more satisfying than confronting someone who is difficult to face and handling the conflict.

How to Confront and Handle Someone

By getting organized and working out a plan of action, confronting and handling people becomes much easier. The key is your preparation.

“THE SUCCESS OF ANY EVENT IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE TIMELY PREPARATION.” — L. Ron Hubbard

Follow these seven steps to prepare yourself for dealing with the difficult people in your life.

1. Make the decision to face up to the person directly and by yourself.

2. Write down the exact problem you need to handle and your goal for the confrontation.

Examples of problems to be confronted that you might write down:

“Joe is refusing to pay me despite our agreement.”

“Chris is hurting office morale and causing me stress with her continual complaining.”

“Bob is supposedly telling people that my work is inferior and I am dishonest.”

Once you specifically name or identify the problem, write down a goal for the meeting. “By the end of the meeting, I want . . . .”

Examples of goals or objectives you might want as a result of a confrontation:

“Joe pays me in full.”

“Chris stops complaining or leaves.”

“Learn the truth about Bob’s comments and if true, get him to stop it.”

In some cases, your objective may also state:

“Figure out if I want this person as a partner/employee/boss/friend.”

3. Write down a Plan or List of Points You Need to Make to Support Your Goal: Facts, Reasons and explanations you may need the other person to understand. List the points in order of priority or importance.

For example, to get Joe to understand why he must pay you, you might make these points:

A. Joe requested the service.

B. Joe signed an agreement to pay for the service.

C. We provided the service as promised.

D. Joe was happy with the service.

E. Etc.

4. Write down objections, reactions or disagreements the other person may have. Include everything you are afraid might happen during the meeting. Putting specific concerns and fears in writing reduces their impact on you.

For each objection, reaction or disagreement you expect will happen, write a solution of how you will deal with each.

5. Organize your notes and gather supportive documents.

6. Arrange the meeting where you will not be disturbed, preferably in a space you control.

7. Start the meeting.

A. Look the person directly in the eye.

B. Explain the specific problem you want to resolve as you noted in Step 2.

C. Go over your first point on the list from Step 3.

D. Listen carefully to the other person and make certain they feel understood.

E. Hold a position on your points.

F. Use your solutions to their reactions as you worked out in Step 4.

G. Continue describing your points and listening to the person’s side.

H. Do not give up. Communicate and persist for as long as it takes to reach your goal.

The more frequently you confront and handle difficult people, the easier it becomes. The amount of time it takes to prepare for a confrontation decreases. You become strong and tough.

When you confront and handle everyone around you, people respect you for your courage, your honesty and your control. Your associates, employees or coworkers follow your example and become more productive. Your enemies either become harmless or become friends.

Taking positive organized action, despite fear, is the kind of courage all successful people must have to succeed.
http://www.tipsforsuccess.org/difficult-people.htm

Here I GROW again

HERE I GROW AGAIN
By Bob Perks

I sat on the hill in my yard a while and wondered about the day. I wanted to
know what tomorrow will bring and what to do with yesterday. I have thought
these thoughts a million times and each time just gave in.

But I discovered today that the answer lies not what I’m without, but what’s
within. This grand revelation came from watching my dog play with a blade of
grass. We’ve had some heavy rains the last few days and I haven’t had the
opportunity to just sit outside. But today the clouds gave way to the sun
and at least for a few minutes I was able to catch up on my thinking. It was
when I looked down at a blade of grass that I discovered the answers I had
been searching for all this time. You see, no matter how many times I cut
that grass it always grows back. It thrives if there’s too much rain and
survives if there is a drought. You can walk on it and it springs back up.
You can dig it up and throw it somewhere else and it will grow right where
it lies.

If a blade of grass can do all that, why are we so fragile? You would think
that God would have made the human being a lot more durable than that. Why
is it that after a few times that life cuts you down, you decide not to grow
any more? Why is it that when we hit the dry times in our lives we curl up
and die in spirit? Why is it that when the big guys walk all over you, you
don’t spring back up to where you rightfully belong? Why is it that when
life uproots your plans you can never see the potential for new growth
wherever you are? Do you think for a moment that God created a blade of
grass to be more than you?

Just like the answers were in that blade of grass, so are the answers within
you. The blade of grass was God’s way of telling me to “bloom where you are
planted.” Here, I grow again!

Self Affirmation

SELF-AFFIRMATION

I found God in myself
& I loved her/I loved her fiercely
– Ntozake Shange

What better place to find God than within ourselves!
It is only when we really know ourselves and affirm our-
selves for who we are that we become aware of the divin-
ity that we share with all things. We are part of the
hologram … we are the hologram. When we estrange
ourselves from ourselves, we also then lose contact with
that which is beyond ourselves.
To know “God” and to love her fiercely is to love our-
selves. Loving this God is not loving the self-centred
“God” of confusion. It is loving the God that is one, that
is within us, and beyond us. It is loving God as we
understand God.

CONTACT with God is so simple, and we make it so difficult.

taken from Meditation for women who do too much
by Anne Wilson Schaef

Wake Up

Wake Up!
by Marguerite Walton

As I sat in my garden, a bird began to sing. Somehow the song seemed
to be saying: “Wake up and open the door of vision to your blessings.
Do not make single or assorted troubles the most important things in
your life. It takes as much energy to exercise a fear and worry state
of mind as to stimulate one of faith and happiness.

To be happy takes much less energy than to be miserable, for God meant
every one of His children to be happy. When they are not, they are out
of tune with the Infinite.

The song came to an end, but the ripples of the brook, sparkling in
the sunbeams that reached it through the young leaves, seemed to carry
on the theme. Wake up!
Remember worry never solved a problem or paid a bill; it just pyramids
an insignificant anxiety into something as unwieldy as the Old Man of
the Sea.

Try taking your troubles out into the sunshine, and the first thing
you know, whatever you thought was too heavy to bear will have
vanished like the dew. There is something magical about sunshine;
sunbeams are radiant children of light that bore with golden gimlets
into the darkest corner of your soul to let in God’s warmth and
courage and faith.

Time is the most precious thing life has to offer. Look for
opportunity in every hour, every minute in every day. Get rid of the
“ifs” and “buts” that can create seemingly insurmountable barriers;
try the “I won’t fail” way, and see obstacles flatten the way a hill
flattens as you climb it step by step.

Copyright C Marguerite Walton. All Rights Reserved.

3 things in life

Three Things In Life

Three things in life that, once gone, never come back –
1. Time
2. Words
3. Opportunity

Three things in life that may never be lost –
1. Peace
2. Hope
3. Honesty

Three thing s in life that are most valuable –
1. Love
2. Self-confidence
3. Friends

Three things in life that are never certain –
1. Dreams
2. Success
3. Fortune

Three things that make a person –
1. Hard work
2. Sincerity
3. Commitment

Three things in life that can destroy a person –
1. Addictions
2. Pride
3. Anger

Three things that are truly constant –
Father – Son – Holy Ghost

I ask the Lord to bless you, as I pray for you today;
To guide you and protect you, as you go along your way.
God’s love is always with you, God’s promises are true.
And when you give God all your cares,
you know He’ll see you through.

Self Love

How to Love Yourself

Louise Hay offers
these helpful suggestions.
Try them! They really work.

1. Stop all criticism: Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

2. Don’t scare yourself: Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It’s a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure (mine is yellow roses), and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.

3. Be gentle and kind and patient: Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient
with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you
really loved.

4. Be kind to your mind: Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change the thoughts.

5. Praise yourself: Criticism breaks the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

6. Support yourself: Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends, and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.

7. Be loving to your negatives: Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So. lovingly release the old negative patterns.

8. Take care of your body: Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise can you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.

9. Mirror work: Look into your own eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents looking into the mirror. Forgive them, too. At least once a day, say: “I love you, I really love you!”

10. LOVE YOURSELF – DO IT NOW! Don’t wait until you get well or lose the weight, or get the new job, or find the new relationship. Begin NOW – do the best you can.

Keeping Conscious

Keeping Conscious
Staying Grounded In A Busy World

1. Live simply and live deliberately. By choosing not to get caught up in the details of this fast-paced world, you are doing your part to slow down the . You will also discover that you have more time to enjoy being alive.

2. Stay in touch with yourself. Soul searching, meditation, and journaling are just a few of the many activities you can take part in to stay aware and learn as much as you can about your emotions, reactions, likes, dislikes, dreams, and fears. Having a solid sense of self gives you a firm foundation for living in this world.

3. Support or teach others as often as you can. This can help you form connections with people while also giving you an opportunity to make the world a better place.

4. Consciously choose what you will allow into your being. The media bombards us with visions of hate, war, and pain. Be judicious about what you read, watch, and listen to.

5. Acknowledge the beauty that resides around you. Whether you live in a sprawling metropolis or a stereotypical suburb, there are natural and man-made wonders just waiting to be discovered by you.

6. Nurture your ties to your tribe. If you don’t have one, create a community that you can belong to. Modern life can be isolating. When you have a tribe, you have a circle that you are a part of. Its members – loved ones, friends, or neighbors – can be a source of support, caring, guidance, and companionship.

7. See the larger picture. Remember that the way that you choose to live is not the only way to live. Widen your perspective by exploring other modes of being through research, travel, and discussion.

8. Embrace the challenges that life presents to you, and challenge yourself often. After a time, even the most exciting jobs or lifestyles can seem routine. Never stop assimilating new knowledge about whatever you are doing, and your life will never seem dull.

9. Move your body. In this busy world, it can be easy to live a sedentary life. Movement reacquaints us with our bodies and connects us to the earth in a visceral way. It also restores our vitality.

10. Make time for stillness, silence, and solitude. The world can be noisy, and we are subject to all kinds of noises nearly every waking hour. We are also often “on the go” and unable to relax. Being alone in a peaceful place and making time for quiet can help you stay in touch with yourself.

You are beautiful now say it

‘You Are Beautiful. Now Say It’
The author of the ‘Simple Abundance’ series helps us see our own beauty and worth.
By Sarah Ban Breathnach
Excerpted from “The Simple Abundance Companion” with permission of Warner Books. Copyright 2000 by Sarah Ban Breathnach.

Welcome to You

Undoubtedly, we become what we envisage.

–Claude M. Bristol

You are beautiful. Right now. Today. Just as you are, just the way you look as you read those three words: You. Are. Beautiful. Say it slowly aloud, as if the phrase were a foreign language, for it probably is.

You are beautiful. Now say it in the first person singular.

I am beautiful.

Do you know that? If so, remind yourself of this glorious fact every day. If not, it is time to become beautiful in your own eyes. This will require a makeover of sorts, but not the kind you think. Learning to love the way you look has nothing to do with starting a diet or reshaping your eyebrows. Accepting and embracing your authentic beauty means seeing yourself from the inside out. I love me, I love me not–I love me.

Beauty may only be skin deep, but there is nothing superficial about the complicated relationship that a woman has with her appearance. How you see yourself and how you think other people see you—your body image—is deeply connected to how you feel about yourself.

The effects of a negative body image can be devastating. If you don’t like the way you look, you probably don’t like the woman you are. And those feelings of worthlessness, self-consciousness, and inadequacy will insinuate their way into nearly every area of your life—into your friendships, your career, your romances, and, most importantly, your relationship with yourself.

A positive body image is equally powerful. It is not an instant solution to all of life’s problems, but a starting point, a spark that can set off a fabulous chain reaction. Loving how you look when you catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror or store window paves the path of self-love, and with that acceptance comes self-esteem, confidence, and authentic beauty, a radiance that glows from within. A beauty that is more than skin deep.

‘You Are Beautiful. Now Say It’
Sowing the Seeds of Self

Self-admiration giveth much consolation.

–Gertrude Atherton

Looking in the mirror is a startling subjective experience. When facing her reflection, one woman may say to herself, “I wish my hips were smaller,” or “My fat hips make me ugly.” Or she could say, “My curves make me sexy.” In each example, the hips are the same—it’s how a woman feels about them that’s different. But where do these feelings come from? Whether or not you realize it, you’ve spent your entire life developing them, honing them, cloning them. Transforming the messages communicated by society, your family, your friends, your rivals, and your enemies into cellular memory.

“As preschoolers, boys and girls have already learned the lessons about physical appearance that our society teaches,” explains psychologist Thomas Cash, author of “What Do You See When You Look in the Mirror?” “They know that lovely Cinderella gets the prince; her ugly and mean stepsisters do not. From childhood on . . . we judge our self-worth by the physical standards we’ve absorbed.” The world’s standards—to be extraordinarily thin, conventionally attractive, and forever young—are uncompromising and unrealistic, yet so pervasive in the media that women who do not conform (and who does?) feel flawed, inferior, unsuccessful, unlovable.

Society’s ideals are reinforced in children by parents who overemphasize the importance of appearance, consciously or unconsciously. Their messages, be they subtle or painfully obvious, are expressed in dozens of ways: Were you put on a diet as a child or compared unfavorably to a sibling? Or were you praised for your prettiness, made to feel that it was your looks that made you lovable? Did your father disparage your mother for the way she looked? Or did she obsess about her own appearance? Don’t discount the influence of friends and classmates: Being teased as a child or ostracized as a teenager can undermine the efforts of the most accepting parents.

Do you have memories of experiences that might have contributed to the way you see yourself today? As an adult, you may be able to “understand” them, to understand that your parents’ criticisms did not mean they didn’t love you, or that the bullies at school were acting purely out of their own insecurities. But this doesn’t make the memories any less hurtful or their hold on you any less powerful. However, facing them, before you face yourself in the mirror, is the crucial first step in reshaping your body image.

A lifetime pattern of self-denigration is not going to disappear overnight. You’re going to have to learn how to replace your automatic criticisms with praise. Self-admiration takes many forms. It can and should include the new compliments you pay to yourself everyday. But the most powerful self-compliment of all is honoring the promises you make to your own soul.

Excerpted from ‘The Simple Abundance Companion’ with permission of Warner Books. Copyright 2000 by Sarah Ban Breathnach. All rights reserved.
http://www.beliefnet.com/nllp/Inspiration.aspx?page=1&date=04-21-2006

Thank You God

*~Thank-You God~*
(author: unknown)

***

Thank-You God for being my Comforter,
When my soul was weak
and the tears wouldn’t stop,
When my heart was aching with pain
and I was searching for refuge,
When my spirit was broken beyond repair
and I felt lost and hopeless,
Thank-You for Joy.
Thank-You God for being my Teacher,
When I was ignorant to the Lessons of Life
and rebuked wisdom,
When I was rebellious against your principles
and rejected morality,
When I was hindered by obstacles
and blinded by self-doubt,
Thank-You for Knowledge.
Thank-You God for being my Spiritual Guide,
When I chose the wrong path to tread
and lost sight of my purpose,
When I didn’t know the power of faith, prayer,
and forgiveness,
When I didn’t know how to surrender all my
anger, fears, and temptations,
Thank-You for your Guidance.
Thank-You God for being my Counselor,
When I didn’t know how to acknowledge nor
express my feelings,
When I chose Sin over Self-Love,
Thank-You for Revelations, Awakenings, & Resolutions.
Thank-You God

Do you believe in yourself

Do You Believe in Yourself?
I believe in your right to…

There was a time when I thought of myself as a victim. I believed that I was just ‘taking up space’ in the world, and that it would honestly be better off without me. Yes, I’d been abused, and more than once. By the time I left home, I was convinced that there was a brand on me somewhere, letting people know that I was just there to be walked all over – and they did.

Now, I walk tall. I have a good job, with a decent paycheck to live on, and even some prospects for promotion. I have a wonderful relationship with a man who has helped me take those final steps towards believing that I can be worthwhile to others, as well as myself. And I have a passion. To help others who are battling their way out of the despair I used to feel, and give something back for all the help I received on my way. The journey wasn’t all easy, and I’ve had setbacks along the way, (many, to be honest) but usually just when I needed it most, there was someone or something there for me. The tricky part was recognising it/them, accepting the gift of help and using it to pull myself back up again. Even though my journey’s not entirely over, and probably never will be, that’s what this site (and my ezine) is about.

I believe wholeheartedly that we are ALL here for a reason. I believe that each and every one of us has something special and unique to offer, even if we can’t always see that for ourselves. I look around and I just about everybody struggling to prove themselves to the people around them, to justify their lives through what they do, who they know, and most of all, what they own. None of this, though, really matters. What is truly important, and what seems to be least valued in our society, is WHO YOU ARE.

My goal is to help others, one person at a time, to re-connect with the kind of self-esteem we start out with when we’re born. To feel the confidence that lets them find and follow their dreams, regardless of what the world at large thinks. I imagine the kind of wonderful changes that can flow on from even one person who proudly tells the world “I’m being true to myself, and this is who I am. Take me or leave me – it doesn’t bother me either way, but just don’t think you can stop me from achieving what I was put here to do.”

There are so many obstacles to making it that far, though. I’ve found a lot of them as I’ve stumbled over them in my own journey. As I find more, I write about them in my newsletter to let as many other people know as I can. There are a lot that are covered in most of the books and courses out there already, but I’ve been trained to think differently to most. My interests mean I follow Psychology, Social Studies, Religious Studies, the occult, New Age spirituality, Philosophy and as much as I can of the millions of sources on Success principles that are out there. I read at least 4 books a week, plus audio, and I’ve been reading for over 32 years now. With that background, I tend to look at the bigger social issues for the subtle traps that can get you down and sabotage any progress you’re making, without you even realising it. I specialise in finding the hidden assumptions that we never question, until we trip over them and realise they were fencing us in. The biggest ones I’ve found so far include:

Hidden “failure programming” Messages in the Media
The shift from extended family to nuclear family
Consumerism
An emphasis on “competition” in everything from schooling to work
Increasing isolation and less sense of community
Personal denial of responsibility – and how we’re trained into it.

How do these affect us, and our individual sense of self-worth? I’m doing a final revision on a book about it, so you can watch this space to find out more, read the articles I’ve already posted up here, or better still, subscribe to my ezine to hear about what I discover on a month to month basis.

http://www.self-positivity.com/