Natural and learned fears
Woman is buffeted by circumstances so long as
she believes herself to be
The creature of outside conditions, but when she
realizes that she is a
creative power, and that she may
command the hidden soil and seeds of her being out
of which circumstances
grow, she then becomes the rightful master of herself.
James Allen
We are naturally curious but not naturally fearful. A baby is born
with only two natural fears; fear of falling and fear of loud noise,
it immediately goes into a fear response, inhaling sharply
and stiffening. This initial physical reaction is followed by
panicked crying. As adults, we still experience these primal, natural
fears.. All other fears, including the fear of death, are learned.
Our culture, our families, and our governments use fear to control
us. Fear can be useful and beneficial means of instruction; but too
often it’s applied inappropriately, and we’re conditioned
to unhealthy fearfulness. We come out of childhood wearing the yoke
of our family’s and society’s unresolved anxieties such as the fear of
failure, embarrassment, appearing ignorant, and not being as good as
the Joneses. In time we make their fears our own.
How does fear, or other emotion come about? We
humans tend to believe that fear is created by
the approach of the fearsome thing–the snake
creeping towards us. But actually the small child
tends to be curious rather than frightened by
such things, until conditioned by the mother’s
gasp and frantic reaction. Thereafter the emotion
of fear arises in the child when a snake
approaches. But it is not created by the snake.
It is created by the connection made in our mind.
It is caused by the connection made in our mind.
It is caused by what we tell ourselves about snakes.
Elizabeth Gawain
Fear is created not by the world around us, but
in the mind, by what we think is going to happen.
The good news about learned fear is that it can be unlearned.
We do not consist of our fear, but merely experience it. Thus we
can learn step by step to see fear not as something that we are but
something that we have.
Up to approx age 7, children often feel responsible for the events
that happen in their lives. if a parent dies, or if their parents
argue, the young child feels it must be his or her fault. The child’s
developing ego structure is not yet able to perceive cause and effect
as pertaining to others. When we are children, we see ourselves as
the center of the universe, the pivotal point around which all events
revolve, therefore, we tend to assume responsibility for whatever
takes place. Thus, children who repress their fears usually end up
feeling not only fearful, but bad and unworthy as well.
These days, whenever I notice a fear crying out in my body,
I say ‘Thanks, Body, I hear you.’ Then I check it out to see if the
fear is currently valid or an old response. If it is an old pattern,
something I can do very well without now, I say to it; I’m going to
go ahead and do what I need to do as if you weren’t there. Too often a
wrong interpretation of our fears prevents us from acting. We believe
we should not be feeling fear and so we try waiting until we feel
perfectly at ease before tackling the difficulty or challenge that
lies before us. This strategy never works. Many of our
accomplishments happen in spite of fear in fact, in many instances,
anxiety and fear can actually propel us into action.
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Taken from ‘The Courage To Be Yourself’ Guide to Growing
Beyond Emotional Dependence by Sue Patton Thoele.
Leave a Reply